


Surfacing

by Mohini



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alcohol, Gen, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Abuse, non-graphic mention of past rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-18
Updated: 2013-12-18
Packaged: 2018-01-05 02:33:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1088557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mohini/pseuds/Mohini
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Beware the cliches. Here we have Harry and Draco forced to room together during the fabled 8th year at Hogwarts, plenty of alcohol fueled confession, and impressive amnesia for past interactions with one another. That being said, here's a bit of fluff and comfort for the boys.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Surfacing

“You have got to be kidding me,” Harry said to no one in particular when he opened the door to his dorm room to let in the rather burly Greg Goyle and a very, very drunk Draco Malfoy. Said drunken Malfoy was cradled in Goyle’s arms like an oversized toddler. Harry had been the only one willing to room with Draco when the eighth years got tossed into a dorm apart from the other houses. They had come to a tentative friendship and were in all honestly getting along well but Harry was definitely not prepared for dealing with Draco trashed out of his mind.

“I wish I was, believe me,” Greg told him..

“How fucking much did he have?” Harry asked. He had watched Draco drink, and the boy was terrifying.

“No idea. Dropped like a rock halfway back here from the Hog’s Head. Do you mind babysitting him or should I stay?” The enormous boy asked as he laid Draco down on his bed and carefully rolled him onto his side, shoving pillows behind him to keep him in place.

“No, no, I’ve got it. Can you go make sure I’ve got hangover draughts in the potions cabinet?”

Greg headed into the bathroom to check for the potion and returned with a wastebin. “You’ve going to need this. Unless you’d rather I take him on into the loo?”

“Nah. He’ll freeze trying to sleep on that floor,” Harry said, taking the bin and putting it on the floor next to Draco’s bed. Greg headed out and once the door was closed behind him, Harry took his wand from the bedside table and cast a series of locking and warding spells at it. The last thing he wanted was Hermione or Ron deciding to come bursting in and find him tending to someone they both still hated passionately.

With the door secured, Harry sat down on his own bed, watching Draco as he slept. He knew that if Draco had consumed enough to pass out before even making it back to the dorm, he was going to be ill sooner or later. Six years sharing a dorm with Seamus Finnegan had taught him plenty of helpful skills for drunk-tending. When Draco started to whimper and thrash, Harry climbed onto the bed and pulled him into his arms.

    Harry grabbed the bin and held it under Draco’s chin as he began to retch, bringing up wave after wave of alcohol laden vomit. When he was finished, Harry scourgified the bin before putting in back in its place beside the bed. Draco was limp against him, breathing in shallow pants. Through it all, he had not opened his eyes once. Harry was beginning to worry when Draco turned in his arms and buried his head against his chest. “Make it stop,” he whined, and it was the best sound Harry had heard all night. “Hurts so much, please make it stop,” he babbled, clutching at Harry’s shirt and beginning to shake as tears rolled down his pale face.

    “Shh, I know it hurts. You drank too much for a sobering potion to work.”

    “M’sorry. Stupid. Forgot calming draught, got scared. Firewhiskey helps some, jus gotta drink a lot of it an then eveything was so fuzzy and I kept drun, drom, drinking til it stopped bein scary. An now m’sick and you’ll hate me again for being stupid an I just want it to go way an stop hurting.” Draco slurring was among the strangest things Harry thought he had ever witnessed. It didn’t help that he had his face pressed against Harry while he spoke. Trying to soothe him, Harry rubbed his back and whispered soft reassurances at him that he would feel better soon.

    “M’gonna be sick again,” Draco whined and Harry turned him enough to get the bin under him again. Fully awake this time, Draco cried and gasped between heaves.

    “Draco, calm down. Deep breaths for me, alright? I’ve got you. Get it all out and you’ll feel better.” Harry told him, though he doubted it was going to have much effect.

    “Shouldn’a got so pissed and now m’sick and I just wanted you to like me and now you’re gonna hate me all over again cause I can’t even take fucking care of my own drunk ass. Never gonna like me now and I just want you to like me,” Draco kept babbling between bouts of vomiting.

    “Draco, please. I’m not going to stop being friends with you just because you had a little too much and needed looking after. You’ve got to calm down or you’re just going to keep getting sick,” Harry told him, becoming a little exasperated with the hysterical boy in his arms.

    “Don wanna be friends,” Draco wailed. “Wan you t’love me and m’too fucked up for anybody to love.”

    Harry thought he was going to have a panic attack of his own with that declaration. He felt like he needed a good bit more clarification but Draco was once again hugging the wastebin, although his empty stomach was yielding nothing but dry heaves by this point. When he lifted his head, Harry settled him back against him and hugged him close, once more cleaning the soiled bin and setting it aside.

    Draco was still sobbing, but had given up on trying to talk anymore. “Shhhh,” Harry said softly, brushing his fingers through tangled blond hair. “You’re not too fucked up to be loved,” he told him. “It’s going to be alright. I’ve got you. Just calm down for me and we can talk. Shhh, everything going to be alright.”

    Draco sniffled, taking great shuddering breaths and digging his skinny fingers into Harry’s sides as he held on tightly. Harry gently peeled his fingers loose, letting him clutch the fabric of his shirt instead. “Draco, I’m not going anywhere. Calm down,” he coaxed softly, “Please calm down and talk to me.”

    “M’sorry,” Draco mumbled, refusing to lift his head. Harry could feel how tense he was, and continued rubbing circles on the clenched muscles of Draco’s back.

    Neither boy spoke for a long time, and Harry was beginning to think Draco had passed out again when his body tensed against him. Thanks to some very fast reflexes, Harry got the bin back under him before the pair of them were covered in sick. After he finished emptying his stomach, Draco laid his head on Harry’s shoulder, sniffling but at least not crying hard anymore. “Do you want to lie down? Maybe that would help?” Harry asked him. Draco nodded, still shaking a little. Harry carefully shifted the pair of them until they were lying side by side in the bed, with Draco’s head still on his shoulder.    

    “M’sorry,” he repeated. “M’sorry being a burden. Stupid. Sorry.”

    “Not stupid. Not a burden. Just drunk. I swear you’ll feel better once you sober up,” Harry assured him.

    “Am stupid. Can’t even tell you I want you sober. Gotta go get pissed and now all I can do is cry and puke. Stupid coward.”

    Knowing that this was probably the only opportunity he was going to get before Draco either passed out or worked himself into another bout of vomiting, Harry shifted enough to be facing Draco, edging him off his shoulder until his head was cradled in his arm instead.

    “Look at me,” he said in a tone he hoped was nonthreatening. “You are one of the most intelligent people I know. You are definitely not a coward. For fuck’s sake, Voldemort lived in your house. You do realize most people are terrified to say the name now that he’s fucking dead and they never even saw him?” He stopped mid rant as Draco began frantically shaking his head.

    “Don’t talk about that. Please don’t. Not when I’m drunk, please please please. Don’wanna remember when I’m drunk.” His words came out in a jumbled rush but it was clear that he was about half a second from outright panic.Harry didn’t know what to do to calm him down. Consequences be damned, he pressed his lips to Draco’s and kissed him, halting the flow of terrified pleading. When he pulled away, Draco’s eyes were wide and he looked positively shocked. “Better now?” Harry asked softly.

    Draco nodded, still staring wide eyed at Harry. “We’ll talk when you’re sober. Alright? For now, just know I’m not going anywhere.”

    “I think I’m hallucinating now,” Draco muttered. Harry laughed at that.

    “Not hallucinating. At least I hope you didn’t manage to drink that much! Are you at least feeling better?”

    “Define better,” Draco said so quietly that Harry barely heard him.

    “Do you think you can sleep? Or do you need to give your wastebin another hug?”

    “Stomach’s too empty to puke again. At least for now. Don’t know about sleeping. Feel gross and the damn room’s still spinning.”

    “Cleansing charms?” Harry asked him.

    “Please,” was the reply in that soft, small voice that told Harry that Draco was decidedly not comfortable with being so vulnerable. He reached for his wand and cast the charms to get the worst of the sweat off his skin and change out the frankly disgusting clothes Draco was in for soft pajamas. Then he conjured a flannel and dampened it with a quick charm, wiping gently at Draco’s face and neck. Once he was finished, he vanished the cloth and performed the same clothes switching spell for himself.

    “Best I can do for now, but at least you’re in fresh clothes.”

    “Much better,” Draco murmured. Harry pulled him a little closer to him and ran his fingers through his hair, gently untangling the long blonde strands. Despite his protests that he wasn’t going to be able to sleep, Draco’s breathing became slow and even within moments, and he was soon sound asleep.

    Harry closed his eyes as well. He thought about trying to put Draco onto a pillow so that he would be more comfortable, but decided that if he had fallen asleep on him, it would be better for him to wake up the same way. Just before he drifted off, he stuck his arm out over the side of the bed to make sure he could reach the bin easily. He doubted he was going to get much warning if Draco needed it in the night.

    A few hours later, Harry was very glad he had thought to make sure of that small detail. Draco had woken him up mere seconds before he began to retch. He grabbed the bin, shoving it under Draco’s mouth and hoisting him into a sitting position. “Kill me now,” Draco whined as Harry was scourgifying the bin for the third time after their abrupt wake up.

    “You do realize I decided against killing you some time ago?” Harry said, sleep deprivation chipping away at his ability to censor his response.

    “Rather be fucking crucioed than keep puking up my damn stomach lining,” Draco groaned, just before proceeding to attempt once more to vomit stomach contents long since emptied.

    “Somehow I doubt that,” Harry told him, conjuring a tumbler of water and holding it to Draco’s lips so there would at least be something in his stomach to come up. “Although I’ve got to say, the second date had damn well better be more fun.”

    Draco couldn’t respond for a while, since he was busy clutching his bin but once he could, he stared disbelievingly at Harry. “You’re serious?”

    “You won’t really have to do much,” Harry teased him. “Just try not to vomit or request torture. I’m very easy to please.”

    “Ugh. If I didn’t feel like utter shit I would so hex you.”

    “But you do, so I’m safe. Do you think you can lie down yet or are you not finished?”

    “I feel better,” Draco admitted, embarrassed that he was sharing his bed with the boy he had been watching for months and all he was capable of was collapsing in an exhausted heap against him.

    “Good. Close your eyes and go to sleep. If I’m going to nurse you through the bitch of a hangover you’ve got coming I have got to get some more rest,” Harry told him. Draco stiffened for a moment, and Harry wrapped an arm around him, guiding him gently onto his shoulder. “It’s alright. I’ve got you.”

    Draco nodded against him, and Harry could feel the dampness of tears beginning to soak into his shirt. He didn’t say anything more, just held Draco tightly, hoping it gave him some comfort. He ran his hands over Draco’s back, rubbing circles on his shoulder blades and brushing his fingers through his hair. When he finally drifted back to sleep, Harry wiped the last of the tears from his face before closing his own eyes.

    Morning came with a pained moan from Draco and a muttered incantation to cover the windows the moment Harry reached for his wand. “Was wrong,” Draco whispered. “Now I want you to kill me.”

    “Told you last night that’s not an option,” Harry replied, sitting up and summoning the hangover draught from the bathroom and opening it for the pitiful creature still curled up against him. “Drink,” he ordered, tipping the contents into Draco’s mouth.

    “Fuck. Feel so damn sick,” Draco whined. Harry shook his head, placing one hand against Draco’s flat stomach and casting a nausea charm. It wouldn’t hold for long, but if Draco could keep the hangover draught down the potion would alleviate at least some of the pain he was clearly in.

    “Give the potion a chance to work,” Harry reminded him quietly, conjuring a cold, damp flannel and gently wiping at Draco’s face with his free hand. Beneath his other hand, he could feel Draco’s stomach spasming, and he cast a second charm, hoping it would help. What little color Draco had was draining rapidly from his face and he had his lips pressed tightly together as he tried to take slow, shallow breaths. It took a few more minutes before he started to look better, and he finally put a hand over Harry’s twining their fingers together and staring at him.

    “Thanks,” he said softly.

    “Don’t worry about it. I know it probably didn’t quite get rid of it, but do you at least think you can sit up and drink some water? You’ve got to be dehydrated from last night.”

    “Worth a try,” Draco told him, pushing himself slowly up into a sitting position. The room promptly began spinning and Harry grabbed him, holding up most of his weight as Draco clung to him.

    Harry continued holding him as he shuffled the pillows in the bed up against the headboard in a messy pile before propping Draco up on them. Draco found the if he didn’t try to hold his head up, the dizziness was better, so he let himself be arranged and babied. Harry clearly didn’t trust him to be able to hold a tumbler of water, as he went to fetch one from the bathroom and held it up to his lips, tipping in tiny quantities of water and waiting to be sure it didn’t unsettle his tender stomach before offering more. When Draco pushed the tumbler away, Harry sat beside him and Draco held tightly to him, near tears from the headache that was pounding away in his brain.

    Harry quietly summoned a headache draught and a phial of nausea relief potion from the cabinet, removing the seals and giving them to Draco. “These should help,” he told him quietly. When Draco’s hands shook, Harry took the phials back and slowly tipped their contents into his mouth for him. He brushed Draco’s hair away from his face and wiped the tears that escaped. “Shh, don’t cry. It going to be better soon,” Harry told him, letting Draco bury his face against his shoulder while he waited for the potions to take effect. When Draco began to shake, Harry rubbed his back in slow circles, trying to calm him.

“I’ve got you, Draco.Tell me what’s going on in here,” he asked, putting one hand on Draco’s forehead. Draco couldn’t seem to form words, just bit his lip and tried unsuccessfully to stop his tears. When Harry brushed his hair away from his face and wiped the first of the escaping tears from his cheek, Draco broke down entirely. He sobbed and shook, and in the midst of the tears, Harry was able to make out enough words to understand completely why he had a bawling mess in his lap.

“Draco, you need to listen to me. I do not hate you and nothing you have done will change that. We were kids and we didn’t have a choice. You weren’t Marked by choice, any more than I was. I saw what you did, but I also saw what you couldn’t do. You know that, you know I was on the tower with Dumbledore. You know what I saw in the visions. I do not hate you. I will not hate you.”

Draco’s sobs slowly tapered down to occasional sniffled, and when he was able to speak coherently, he looked up at Harry. “I raped people, Potter. Don’t tell me you can forgive me for that. I know better. I’m a monster.”

“You were no more responsible for what you did to survive than if you were under Imperius. You are no monster.”

“Why I did it doesn’t matter. I did it. Nothing changes that. Nothing.”

“And how many times were you raped, Draco?” Harry asked, his voice soft but the words painful to hear anyway. Draco closed his eyes and took several deep breaths before answering.

“I stopped counting,” he whispered.

“You’ve been punished more than enough,” Harry told him, and Draco stared back at him. “Now, last night you said you want me to be more than a friend. Was that untold amounts of Firewhisky talking or was that truth?”

“Truth,” Draco said, his voice barely audible.

“Then you need to know that I don’t do casual. Period. We do this, we do it all out. No one else touches you. No one else touches me.” Harry watched as Draco visibly relaxed in his arms. “Tell me what you need, and you will have it. Anything you need. All you have to do is tell me what it is and it’s yours.”

“Tell me this is actually happening,” Draco whispered.

“This is real. Close your eyes. Feel that? That’s me holding you. I’m not going to let you go, I won’t hurt you, and you don’t have to be so fucking guilty anymore. The past is done. You’re mine and no one gets to judge you on things you had no control over. They answer to me. You know full well that I can be damned scary when I want to be.”

Draco nodded against him. Harry wrapped his arms more tightly around him and held him close. He held him in silence for a long while. When Draco’s breathing slowed and evened out, Harry looked down to find him asleep against him. Shuffling back to brace himself against the headboard, Harry settled in to hold his newly acquired boyfriend as he slept.


End file.
